Transitions

Our awesome cross-country adventure ended at the beginning of August, when we arrived at our home [for the next few months] in Connecticut.  We've been here over a month, so I thought it was time for an update on our life here in south-east Connecticut!  

Cooper's first [undocumented by photos] swim in the Atlantic happened here.

View from our running trail.

It's beautiful.  A much different kind of beautiful than California, but beautiful none-the-less.  We lived in Charleston, SC for several years, so I expected the water to look a lot like the Atlantic did on the South Carolina coast.  It doesn't.  It has Monterey Bay's clarity, but you can actually swim in it!  :)  Our little "cottage" is nestled in the center of a small peninsula, so that a few blocks one direction brings us to a marshy area filled with egrets and ospreys, perfect for kayaking and playing with our new toy - a lovely standup paddleboard - and a few blocks the other direction leads to a white-sanded beach with views of fleets of sailboats on windy days.  These late August and early September days have already cooled off in the evenings, and a few of the trees have leaves that are starting to turn shades of deep rust and brick, hinting at the splendor of a New England fall that is soon to come!

However, despite our surroundings being stunning, and us overall having a very enjoyable time, the first few weeks of August were a lesson in transitions.  We've already had several transitions over the years, and have a few more on the list between now and our "settling" in Hawaii in <10 months, but particularly if we plan to stay in this military life, it will be a continuous challenge for me to become better at them.  

Let me be clear and say, first, that I really want to enjoy, or at least appreciate, transitions.  They almost by definition bring adventure, and I genuinely believe they are perfect ways to allow God to smooth out the rough edges we have.  A wise friend of mine told me in college that he chose to have roommates, though he could afford and may even prefer to live alone, because he knew it would work on those rough edges of his.  Having adventures, adjusting to changes, experiencing new things, and pushing ourselves out of our comfort zones challenges me to identify the areas of my personality and character that need work.  

I assumed that when we arrived in Connecticut, I would be so relieved that we finally had a physical "home", a community, a place that we could build a routine, etc. that I honestly didn't spend much time preparing mentally.  I didn't even really consider the Connecticut re-locating to be a transition because, in comparison to the month-long trip where we were in a different location almost daily, it didn't seem like it would be difficult.  Well, that was a mistake.  The first few weeks here were the most difficult for me in this past few years of transitions (moving from SC to CA, leaving my job, starting grad school, graduating grad school, living summers away from Daniel, becoming pregnant, having a baby, graduating, moving, cross-country trip, and now here)!  In retrospect, a two-week adjustment and short dramatic showing of an emotional breakdown, starring me (that included a solo of tears; a short monologue of pitiful, weepy words; and a crawling-into-bed-at-8pm-because-I-don't-want-to-do-anything-else performance) wasn't too bad in the big scheme of things, but I'd rather handle it much more smoothly.  It definitely was not an Emmy-worthy performance. ;)

So, with that... here is my short list of how to better handle transitions.  Mostly it's just a way I can write out my goals and re-visit them as a reminder to myself in the future, but we all go through transitions in life; good and bad, so perhaps these will give you a boost and allow you to roll through one more smoothly in the future.

1) Prepare.  I do best when I prepare both physically and emotionally.  

Physically:  Having the logistics in place well ahead of time and being organized allows me to focus on the fun stuff and ENJOY the adventure.  (Yes, this is your daughter speaking, mom & dad, I've just grown up a bit these past years!)  I'm still a fan of spontaneity and random indulgences in free-spiritedness, but I've realized things go much more smoothly when the foundation is solid.

Emotionally: I need to spend a lot of time in prayer, thinking positive thoughts, daydreaming and envisioning the next step and positive things that will come with it.  This is where I try to hold my thoughts captive and toss out the negative ones, not allowing them to linger in my mind.  This is also where my all-time favorite verse comes into play:

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.  And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." - Philippians 4:6-7

So many good parts to this verse that have worked in my life in so many different ways.  There's the "do not be anxious" part, the prayer with thanksgiving part, the peace that doesn't make logical sense part, the guarded heart when it's a scary, sad, or bad transition part... so much in just two sentences.

2) Have a support network.  

Man am I surrounded by some awesome people.  And when I say 'surrounded by', most of them aren't physically within 100 miles of me right now.  I rely on them for truth (e.g. telling me when I'm being a sissy, like Daniel did after my drama evening), for encouragement, and to get my mind off of myself.  We've gotten much better at jumping into community wherever we are at the time, and have made some awesome friendships and connections along the way because of it (like our Spreckels Life Group).  As far as finding your support network, seek out people who are positive, encouraging, and wise... the ones that make you a better person, not necessarily those that just make you feel (in a shallow way) better.  To have this support, it requires deep, transparent relationships, though, so you're going to have to be willing to bare your soul and be honest.  And, it's WAY easier for others to support you if they actually want to, so see #3.

3) Be supportive.  Think of others.  Get outside of yourself.

In order to have a solid support network, I need to be someone worth supporting.  Yes, I have those people in my life that will love me forever and ever just because they have to, but I don't want to settle for that.  I want to be a support network for others, constantly encouraging them, and challenging them to be the people they are capable of being.  Then, when I am needy, I can 1) rely on them the way I want them to rely on me, without feeling guilty, and 2) get over myself much more quickly because I truly care about them and get outside of myself by hearing or thinking about what's going on in their lives or just taking some time to pray for them, rather than myself.  

 

 Cooper updates and more Connecticut photos coming soon, I promise!