On Love

My Little Valentines

On this Valentine's Day, I wanted to share three of my favorite relationship advice gems. Turns out these also work well when it comes to friendships and family relationships, too!

I'm not at all claiming to be a relationship expert - these are pearls that others have given me and I want to write them down for myself as much as for you!

Don't think of the relationship as 50%-50%. Give 100% all of the time.

- from a wonderful Commanding Officer I had at NNPTC who [awkwardly] held me back after my duty-day report to him to discuss my recent engagement    

When I start divying up jobs or gifts or who does what in my mind, it's a surefire way to kill my appreciation and turn my attitude south . There are seasons in our relationship where Daniel has given 90% (umm... those dating days where I showed up at your door, crying, saying that I really liked you/thought you were awesome/had strong feelings for you, but that I really liked being single and just didn't know what to do?? And you just kindly listened, patiently told me where you stood and said that it sounded like I needed to figure things out for myself and that you'd be there when I did?? YOU'RE AMAZING and I was a total flake/jerk!) and other times when I've likely carried a bit more of the load (submarine deployment where I wrote an e-mail every day and was lucky to hear back once every few weeks because the communications were constantly down). For me, the relationship is definitely best when I don't think of who's doing what/giving what and try to give 100%, no matter what it feels like the other person is giving.

Know your love well. 

Know what they like. Know what they don't like. 

Do what they like. Don't do what they don't like.

- adapted from advice given in a conversation with Stephanie and Michelle, women and friends with marriages I very much respect! 

This was key for us during our 30+ day cross-country trip where we spent every minute of every hour together (and often in cramped quarters like the car, a small cabin at a park, etc.) for over a month. Turns out that liking the person makes the "feelings" part of love much easier. 

Be thankful.

- 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

"Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you."

Focusing on the things I am grateful for and looking for things to be appreciative of can totally flip my attitude around. There's ALWAYS something to be thankful for, and how hard I have to search for it reflects my own attitude/selfishness much more than the other person's actions.

Happy Valentine's Day
from me & my loves to you & yours!